There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
