i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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