I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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