I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
