Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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