Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
