I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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