why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
