You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
