she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
