my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
