you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I enjoy the company of your penis
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
