butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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