So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
