And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
