So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
