Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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