Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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