Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize