is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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