i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
