Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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