I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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