we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize