Tell her she can't have a vagina
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
