Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
