Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
