You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
