On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
