I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
