So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
