This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
