What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
