So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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