Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
