I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize