she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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