Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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