ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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