Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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