evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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