i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
NoShamevember. You game?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
