On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
