I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
