is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
