I'd wear matching sweaters with you
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
