I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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