just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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