I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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