im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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