please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize