He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
