It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
