The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize