Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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