So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
