Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
