dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
