We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
