Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
