have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
