We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
