I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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