Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
