I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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