I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize