he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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