sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
