I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
