Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
