What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
