My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
