am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Randomize