i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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