she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize