I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
