Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize