And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
