So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
