The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
