I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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