the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
