There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
