then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
