'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
