At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
