I hate all girls vehemently.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
