I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
