if you like me you must not know who I am
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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