Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
