somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
