I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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