You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
