i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
