You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I wish you could order shots online.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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