I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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