dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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